With the entry into force of the Promotion of Continued Parenthood Act on March 1, 2009, parents are asked to think at an early stage about the content of parenthood after divorce and to this end they are obliged to draw up a parenting plan.

Firstly, the parenting plan must include how parents divide care and upbringing tasks or arrange contact between parent and child. Secondly, the parenting plan must describe how parents provide each other with information and consult each other on important matters affecting the children. Thirdly, agreements regarding child support must be included, namely regarding the costs of, care and upbringing of the minor children. Parents are free to make agreements about other matters that they wish to include in the interests of the child. It is also important to indicate how the children are involved in the development of the parenting plan.

Involving the children in the divorce and in drawing up the parenting plan makes it easier for children to handle and understand the events in their world that have been turned upside down. From a more or less self-evident situation in which children have the time, presence and attention of both parents, a change takes place to a situation in which they have to learn to live with two houses and a reduced availability of each of the parents. The loyalty that children feel towards both parents in almost most cases comes under pressure: children do not want to have to choose between either parent and in most cases will do everything they can to avoid a choice. Due to loyalty problems, children feel torn and can, as it were, come between their parents. This is very painful for children and sometimes even so unbearable that they “choose” to completely reject one or the other parent. Other reactions to the division also occur, such as taking care of the parent who, seen through the eyes of the child, seems to need it most. As a result, the child does not or insufficiently attend to its own developmental tasks, needs and the like.

Involving the child in the divorce and in drawing up the parenting plan ensures that the feeling of unity with the parents can continue to exist. Because although the parents divorce, they as parents do not divorce their child. When parents come to agreements together, no matter how difficult it may be in this complicated, emotionally charged period, it gives the child the feeling of the bond he or she has with both parents and which can continue to exist by doing it together.

Sometimes this is just too complicated and a mediator can be helpful. This expertise is also offered by SYNTAGMA.